Angel of Mine (Chapter One)
by Bami
Summary: My first fanfic ever! It's 1+2, about Heero struggling with his feelings. Please R


Disclaimers: Ha, I don't own Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing no matter how much I wish I did. The anime belongs to the sunrise and sotsu agencies people who right now are probaply sitting on a ton of money. Please don't sue me 'cuz you can't get much from someone who doesn't have anything. Also I don't own the song "Angel of Mine" sung by Monica Arnold (mostly only known as Monica) I just heard this song on the radio this one day and I thought this would be perfect for a fanfic, that's all. ^_~  
  
Warnings: 1+2 shonen-ai, sap, and maybe some angst I'm not sure.  
AN: For some reason this didn't load right the first time, so here it is again. Hope you like it minna. ^-^  
  
/ /- indicates thoughts  
""- indicates speech  
~~- indicates lyrics  
  
Hope you enjoy this it's my first fic ever:  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~Angel of Mine- Chapter One:~~~~~~~  
  
~When I first saw you I already knew,  
There was something inside of you.~  
  
It was freezing outside, but this time of year most sane people avoided the harsh outdoor conditions as much as possible anyway. The uncaring wind was playing it's howling melody while it swayed the defenseless trees, and any soul unfortunate enough to be outside this time of day, back and forth with a steady rhythm and no mercy. As the clear sky slowly began to gradually turn from a somewhat foggy watery blue to darker and darker shade of nighttime gray as it neared the long awaited sunset, only one person could be seen walking the icy sidewalk as if he had absolutely nowhere else to go, as if he was all /alone./  
  
~Something I thought that I would never find,  
Angel of mine~  
  
Not that the unpleasant weather bothered Heero-I'm a rock-perfect soldier-I know no pain-Yuy much who was walking down the seemingly endless sidewalk,   
/I don't have any warmth inside me to chill in the first place/ clenching to his long black overcoat, his mind to preoccupied with another matter to pay any attention to the inhumanely cold weather. /I gotta do this/ he thought to himself /It's the only way, and I've been waiting so long now, too long./ His usual more-than-human-patience was slowly wearing down and it was driving him crazy, as unfamiliar emotions found their way into Heero's heart- /nervousness?/ he guessed unsure himself, there weren't many things he was sure of lately. /I've been trained for war... but the war is over./   
  
~I look at you looking at me  
Now I know why they say the best things are free~  
  
*Flashback: *  
We see a 14 year old Heero holding the dead puppy "Mary" in his hands while walking in a cloudy area. We can hear Dekim and Dr. J arguing in the background*  
Dr J: Ridicolous! Do you intend to make the Gundam into weapons of mass murder?  
Dekim: This is war! Civilian Sacrifices are univitable!  
Dr J: Do you think Heero Yuy would be happy if we wiped out the human race?   
Dekim: Listen, re-train the boy immediatly he needs to be the *perfect* killing machine, understood?!  
*End Flashback  
  
Walking down the deserted street in the blistering cold he faintly remembered what someone had told him long ago, even long before he became the perfect soldier.  
  
~ If you want to do something new and you're not afraid it means you aren't doing something new~   
Back then he didn't understand, but now though the meaning was unwelcome it was slowly coming to him.  
  
Thoughtful Heero reflected on the truthfulness of those words. Nothing could frighten him he had been through impossible battles and countless suicide missions, war, and not to mention inhumane pain, he had knocked on death's door many times, too many times and no one ever answered his pleading call. It was almost if there was something left for him to do. Something to experience, /no that can't be/ he quickly forced his trained mind to quit playing "tricks" on him before he would start thinking about "him" again. He had beat the unbeatable, attained the unattainable, and did the unbelievable he had been through *everything*, Everything but...Love & Fear.   
  
~Gonna love you boy you are so fine  
Angel of Mine~  
  
Heero was told time and time again that he was useless, that nobody loved him, or ever would, after all how could anyone love such a useless child? He was nothing but a homeless brat that wasn't deserving of * anything *, especially something as fragile, and beautiful as love. Love was for people, but he was below that, the only reason the colony had been cursed with such a lazy "it" was because he was good at obeying orders. That was it. He should be grateful that such a psoriatic, and tattered brat such as himself hadn't been killed yet, after all he wasn't even worth the polluted air he had to breath in order to continue his painful existence. Or at least that's what's been drilled into his brain everyday of his meaningless life. Loneliness, anger, and depression now were strong in Heero's heart. It was to the point that he could no longer control his emotion. Yuy was abandoned, leaving him all by himself in the world... until he came...   
  
~How you changed my world you'll never know  
I'm here for now, you helped me grow~  
  
That's when Heero finally realized what those unexplainable feelings he had inside really were, those same feelings that had tortured him endless nights. They were Love and the fear of love. He was afraid, the perfect soldier was afraid. Afraid of being rejected by the one he loved, the only one he /loved/. /Doushite ka?/ For Heero there was no logical answer as usually that's why he was frightened, it was the total opposite from *everything* he had ever been taught, this time he was being led these strange emotions that had caused him to experience fear for the first time, but could such unsteady and confusing emotion be trusted?   
  
/Duo./ Heero thought /I must get to Duo./ He forced himself to stop being a slave of the past and his own mind.  
  
~You came into my life send from above,  
When I lost hope you showed me love~  
  
Although he was now even more confused than before some relieve came along with realization of what was really going on, and as fast as his two feet could carry him he ran to meet his destiny. Even with all these unsettling feelings and worries circling around him ready to strike at any second, this was the only thing he was sure of right now, it was his destiny, no questions asked. His heart told him, and for now that was good enough, he just knew it.  
  
~Checkin' for you boy you're right on time  
Angel of Mine.~  
  
Duo was the only one who had ever treated Heero like a human being, you know the kind that makes mistakes, and is anything *but* perfect, and it's exactly those imperfections that make that person unique. Unlike cold heartless machines, that only "live" to fulfill their purpose, that's something a machine could never have, could never even dream of, a heart. A heart made for feeling deep and marvelous emotions, something a machine couldn't even begin to comprehend.   
  
At first all these distractions literally annoyed the hell out of Heero, but something about Duo and his constant laughter, smiles, and cheerfulness had always filled the other wise gray aura with an unexplainable happiness, something Heero had never learned to cherish. That's what first got Heero noticing Duo, even though that wasn't necessarily a good thing... at least not back then when the icy barriers Heero had built around his heart for years were still to solid, too thick to even allow any emotion, other than hatred to filter through and reach his heart.   
  
~Nothing means more to me then what we share   
No one in this world can ever compare~  
  
But even the thickest ice can eventually melt away, and turn into something beautiful, right? Or are all those "happy-ending" and "they lived happily ever after" fairytales, really just that... make believe stories of fake lovers who just happened to be destined for each other, and find true love? Of course. Things that picturesque could never happen in /reality./ That one insignificant word seemed to echo in Heero's mind over and over again, but instead of slowly fading away into nothingness the echo became more genuine, as once again the trained mind of an assassin left no room for the weak and inexperienced heart of a lost and doubtful t soul unsure of it's every painful breath.  
  
~Last Night the way you moved is still on my mind  
Angel of Mine~  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
So how was it? Should I continue the series? Please, please, please R&R, even if you didn't like it, just let me know! ^-^  
  
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